It’s been on my mind for some time. And I’ve tried talking her into writing something that would be like a series of correspondence between the two of us. Immortalizing memories through our stories and hoping to help her go through this phase. But I guess, now, it’s up to me to hopefully write a story a day, for me, for her, for her baby, perhaps for me, mostly.

***

She dropped the C bomb on us casually. After hiding it for two years, she finally told us. We were celebrating a good friend’s birthday. It was at a somewhat posh restaurant. We were eating and she was having a hard time to decide what to eat that won’t make her feel bad. And she was avoiding meat and eggs. So I asked. Then, the truth came.

It felt awkward celebrating life and being told the possibility of losing a person dear to you.

Life changed, for me, at least.

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I was in the kitchen two nights ago. Alone. Cleaning up. My parents were at the hospital visiting a family friend. I had this question in my head – what would be the advice that I’d give to my  younger self.

I’m in my early 30s this year. So, the advice I was thinking of was for my 20 year-old self. The advice I’d give – “Be less angry and be less impulsive when you’re angry”. I was a quick-tempered person. The nature of people like me is that we tend to be upset and angry really fast and we’d cool down even faster. And when we’ve cooled down, we’d regret being angry in the first place. Alhamdulillah, I’ve not done any real physical damage to anyone but I might have hurt many feelings with my temper when I was much younger.

d42ae257_corbis-42-65416184Source: Pop Sugar

Knowing this doesn’t give me much comfort but every day, I try to improve myself and be calmer. Let things sink in first before making any comments or feedback.

However, this morning, I lost it for a bit.

I misplaced my watch.

angry-03Source: WeKnowYourDreams

This watch is very important to me. My parents gave it to me as my graduation gift. I’ve been wearing it religiously every single day for the past 5 years. And I can sometimes be a creature of routine so I’d keep this watch at the same place almost every day.

Yesterday, I realised I wasn’t wearing my watch when I was in the train. My hand felt lighter when I lifted it up to check for time. Watch was not on my wrist. Then I remembered, “Oh, it must be on the table where I left it. I was a bit in a hurry this morning, must have forgotten to wear it.”

This morning, I couldn’t find my watch on the table. I panicked. I searched for it everywhere. I even tried to retrace my steps on the previous days. Still couldn’t find it. I asked my mother if she’d seen my watch. She said no. I was upset, my voice started to reach for the higher pitch. Then I asked my father, he said no too. Asked my younger brothers, no, as well. I was so upset but then I remembered the advice that I wanted to give myself. So I went back up to my room and perform a 2-rakaat prayer. I was still angry at this point and I made a du’a that Allah punishes the person who took my watch severely.

6991766_orig                                                       Source: UrbanMentalHealthDesign

When I got back downstairs, my father asked if I needed a lift to the train station. I said no, thank you. My little brother also offered me a ride since he’s also going out to work. I shook my head. My mom told my dad to let me walk as she knew I needed to calm down.

As I was walking in the cool breeze, it was raining earlier, I regretted my du’a. I quickly asked for forgiveness from Allah because I had overreacted and had so many bad thoughts running through my head. I felt ashamed because I still need to be reminded by my conscience to be less angry, less quick-tempered, less impulsive. It made me sad.

mentalhealth
Source: AbaforLawStudents

In the train, I quickly googled for the du’a for missing things. I recited the du’a wholeheartedly. Then I saw a friend shared an article on her FB that the younger generation are losing their minds due to everyday stress. Her advice was, read the Quran as it helps to calm the mind. It was 4 stations away from my stop, I opened the Quran app and read a page where I last bookmarked. Alhamdulillah, I felt a lot better after that.

Thinking about what happened earlier, I think the best advice I could give for my younger self and myself today and for the rest of my life is to continue reading the Quran every single day, insha Allah.

al-baqarah153Surah Al-Baqarah verse 153

51f6f05e3f2f018d87ddb397ac7a6c5bSource: Pinterest

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Borrowed from thecurvyroadrunner

I’ve stopped giving excuses to myself and started working out.

Not that I didn’t workout at all before, I was not very systematic and disciplined with my routine.

My favourite excuses include:

  • The only time I have is night time! I won’t be able to go to bed early if I worked out at night. The adrenaline would still be lingering around until 1am!
  • I do workout – when I teach kickboxing, every Saturday and sometimes I jog on the treadmill. (that’s kinda embarrassing, really!)
  • I can’t afford gym membership. Besides, I don’t have time to go to the gym after work.
  • Yes, I do have dumbbells at home but I don’t know the right technique to lift them. What if I dislocate my wrist or shoulder?

So today, I’ve finally given up giving excuses and went to find Coach Kozak on youtube. I had enjoyed his workout sessions not too long ago and now I am ready to be committed. Wish me luck!

Check out HASfit youtube channel here and its website here.

p/s: I did the 10-mins Abs workout for beginner and 10-mins leg workout for beginner. Feeling awesome!

 

Positivity comes from within.

Remember to breathe. In with the good. Out with the not-so-good.

POSITIVE

Copyright of Nurul Alia Zulkifli 2016

The gift of giving

Posted: April 2, 2016 in muse, Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

It is a gift to be able to recognise the countless blessings that we have in this life.

It is a gift to be able to give back. The heart will become lighter and clearer by the act of giving, insha Allah.

ccpp4yhweaatmto

Start lifting and living

Posted: April 1, 2016 in Quotes
Tags: , , , ,

If only you believe …

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Miserable

Posted: January 21, 2016 in rant
Tags: ,

Sometimes we saw things differently, interpreted a scene from contradicting perspectives and we got hurt just by doing so.

The thing is, I may sometimes be a quick tempered person but I am also quick to forgive and move on.  But you, on the other end, you don’t forget as easily.

I was wrong. Period. I hurt you. Period. Now I am miserable.

Sad-Pug

Borrowed from Hannah K