A variable

Posted: August 1, 2017 in Uncategorized

According to you, I am a variable. When you’re happy, we could talk for hours about anything under the sun. When you’re angry, I transform into a punching bag. When you’re thrilled, we’d have great idea duels. When you’re upset, I’m back at being your punching bag. When I tease you, you’d be embarrassed and it quickly escalates into a grumpy mode and out comes the punching bag yet again. According to you, I’m merely a silly variable. A simpleton that isn’t capable of understanding your complexities. My codings are designed to suit you but my feelings contribute nothing to your programming. And here I stand still playing dumb, pretending numb. 

My mom said I cling onto people a little too tight. 

A good friend once advised me to hold people like sand in my hand. If it is held too tight, it will slip right through my fingers. 

I feel you slipping out of my hand. And it started long ago even before I dared to admit it. 

And funny how this episode keeps on repeating itself. The players might be different but the story is always the same. Frankly, I’m exhausted and on the verge of giving up.

But then. I remembered. You said. “Allah je yang tau semua. Judgment tu je yang patut menggetarkan jiwa.” And I sobbed myself to sleep.

Yesterday, I had a dream. It wasn’t anything unpleasant. It felt real. So real that I woke up in the middle of the night, opening my wardrobe and realising that all my clothes were still hanging inside it, I burst into laughter. For a while, I was fooled by my dream that all my clothes were gone.

 

Yes. We celebrated the 1st of Syawal last Sunday. It was a very happy occasion. I get to meet my extended families whom I had not seen for many months and some, years.

As I sat in circles of family and friends, listening to their chatter and laughter, deep down inside I prayed that you’re having a great time too.

Do you remember when we used to organise Eid celebration at the office? We’d do potluck and everybody will bring something from their home and we’d enjoy each other’s company and the amazing food. You’re always so generous in sharing your food with us. And I will always remember the IKEA curry puffs that you bought for everyone in the team 🙂

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May you always be blessed with good health and lots of love.

Borrowed from: Indianexpress.com

Are you scared of death? I often ask myself that question. Sometimes my answer is no but most of the time it is yes. 

I know death is probably the only thing certain about life but I’m not sure if one can really truly prepare for it. And that thought scares me.

When I was a kid, I refused to sleep near my grandma because I was worried that I might wake up beside a corpse. At that age I believed old people would obviously die before the young ones. 25 years later, my grandma is still around, blessed with good health. But she’s lost one of her sons not too long ago.

I believe there’s life after death and that we’re accountable for our doings on this earth. I can only pray that my time and yours will come when God is pleased with us.

Story #3

Posted: June 20, 2017 in a story a day
Tags: , , ,

Yesterday I dreamt of her. I don’t think there’s any trigger to it. I wasn’t even thinking about her or anything related.

In the dream she was watching a video of you and the kid and I was standing next to her. She looked sad. And I asked her a silly question, “Did you change your phone number?” She didn’t respond, at all.

I wonder if the kid still remembers her.

gettyimages-459146393-1024x717Borrowed from: mypsychologychannel.com

When we first met in the interview, I knew instantly that it’d be cool to work with you. But I didn’t anticipate that it would take months before we finally warmed up to each other.

I see myself in you, a lot. I hate to admit that because it hurts seeing you going through so many obstacles in this life and realising that I’d react the same way you did. We’re both egg shells – we appear hardened on the outside, but truly we’re sensitive and mellow inside.

The day I decided to stand up for you in the meeting room, I knew that I had chosen a friend for life.